Why Talking is Not the Only Approach to Therapy

Children often come to therapy when they are displaying difficulties adjusting- this may manifest as behavioral difficulties, increased feelings of sadness and isolation, or thoughts of self-harm or suicide, to name a few. As a parent, seeking support from a therapist for their child(ren) can be a really difficult step to take. It can feel like a sense of helplessness; it can feel confusing; for some, it can even feel like a failure.

In a lot of ways, working with children (in therapy) is different than working with adults. More specifically, children may not yet have developed the verbal and emotional language to express how they feel. This is the reason behaviors are what is first noticed- behaviors are the child’s way of communicating their feelings. So, what can be done to support a child when they may not have the verbal language? What do we do when talking is not enough?

Before someone develops the ability to verbally communicate, they navigate the world through exploration (play) and images (art). As a therapist, I can gain insight into the child’s worldview by entering into their explorative and expressive world. For example, how a child approaches an art directive or art media, may be reflective of how the child approaches other aspects of their life. Story-telling is also a component of art and play therapy, which could offer insight into their internal or external conflict and conflict resolution styles.

The processes of art and play promote focus, creativity, exploration, and expression. They also serve as a distraction from difficult conversations, which fosters a reduction of anxiety. In general, someone is more likely to be engaged in therapy when they feel relaxed, which in turn, allows them to benefit more greatly from the session. For children, the art and play provide that engagement.

The art and play also create a safe emotional distance from the “problem,” and it allows the child to work with it (literally) and through it (metaphorically). In a therapeutic setting, the art and play can lend to, what is known as, a corrective emotional experience. Therefore, children may not directly communicate what is causing them difficulty- remember, their behaviors are what initially brought them to therapy- yet change can still occur because of the process itself. As a therapist, it is not fair to assume the child thinks and feels a certain way solely because of an art or play activity that occurred during session. This can be a very difficult concept to accept. We have to trust that processes can occur- absent of direct, concrete language- that will elicit long-term change. Art and play therapy are two ways in which that change can occur. Although different from traditional talk therapies, they are effective treatment approaches.

Bryana Weaver, MA, ATR, LPC, CCTP

Co-Owner, Wholehearted Counseling

For more information on art therapy: https://arttherapy.org/

For more information on play therapy: https://www.a4pt.org/

Can You Have Authenticity Without Vulnerability?

A few years ago, a client told me about Brené Brown’s TED Talk The Power of Vulnerability, changing the way I viewed my practice, and my life. As a Rogerian, it was a natural fit for my practice, and as a recovering perfectionist, a natural fit for my life. Over the next few years, I devoured Brené’s books and workshops, which eventually created the inspiration for this practice, with my amazing partner, who is still laughing at the idea of me as a perfectionist. As my understanding of the concepts of empathy, vulnerability, shame, and authenticity expanded, this was incorporated into my practice.

Not surprisingly, I’ve found that most of us desire to be loved and accepted for who we really are- our authentic selves- but hesitate to experience the vulnerability required for that to happen. When I ask clients how they define vulnerability, the first answer is often “weakness.” When we discuss how vulnerability is intertwined with authenticity and the types of relationships most of us want to have, there is often a sigh of resignation and look of doom. So far, I’ve yet to see anyone jump up and cheer at the idea of increasing vulnerability, but who knows, if I do this for a few more decades, maybe there’ll be a first. 

Expanding our willingness to be vulnerable is work, and this type of work takes courage. We fear rejection, judgment, and being misunderstood. Most significantly, it may require giving up armor that we’ve come to depend on. Armor is defined by Webster as “a defensive covering for the body; a quality or circumstance that affords protection; a protective outer layer…” Any of these definitions demonstrate why we depend on armor, and why shedding armor is so important for authenticity. This is genuinely scary for most people, and for good reason. Emotional risk-taking is never easy. It has been my experience that most of us take emotional risks when the alternative is no longer working. This can come in the form of anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, or a major life crisis. For example, perfectionism can be an effective way to approach an academic career, due to the feedback received from parents and teachers who value performance. When that performance becomes an identity, we may strive to continue to earn positive feedback for our performance, until we’re unable to continue at a perfectionistic level. This type of crisis can occur for a variety of reasons, but the impact is the same- we have to learn to shed protective armor, learn to be vulnerable, and risk being our authentic selves. 

Emotional risks are difficult, but the rewards can be great. The less our outer and inner selves match, the greater the feelings of anxiety, fear, and sadness. As our outer and inner selves become more congruent, there is less of a need to pretend and impress. We can increase self-acceptance and decrease our need for a bottomless pit of external validation and approval.

So simply put- to be our authentic selves, we have to be vulnerable. We have to be okay with making mistakes and be okay with emotional risk-taking. It really does take courage, but if your current path is no longer working, what other option do you have?

Kim Foreman, LCSW

Co-Owner, Wholehearted Counseling

Own Your Story - The Vision of Wholehearted Counseling

The vision of our practice came from researcher and storyteller Brené Brown, who has spent the last two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy. What resonated with us is the concept of wholehearted living and what it means to live as our authentic selves. We hope to provide an environment where clients can embrace their vulnerabilities, own their stories, and move towards authenticity.